I know I’m not alone when I say my baby is the light of my life, but to say I feel lucky to have him, I feel like we’ve won the lottery of life.
Myself and my husband had only been married for a month when we decided we wanted to have a baby, we’d been together for 10 years so we didn’t really feel the need to ‘enjoy being married’ first. I was also conscious that the miracle of getting pregnant doesn’t just happen like the flick of a switch and we might be waiting some time so we might as well just get on with it and see what happens.
Having just got married, I was shocked by how many people would say ‘in jest’ “You’ll be having a baby next” or even “Are you trying for a baby now then?” Seriously, are you asking me if I’m having unprotected sex with my husband? Is that any of your business? Often it would be people who you would rather have the ground open and swallow you than face that conversation with, i.e. mothers in law, grandmas, line-managers… you get my drift.
We didn’t do any tracking or anything like that; I felt that it would put us under pressure and make it a stressful and worrying time. ‘Trying for a baby’ sounds trying in itself so we just nonchalantly dropped the contraception and left it to fate. I thought if we hadn’t got pregnant in 6 months then we’d look into ovulation apps etc. Wait and see…
I got pregnant.
I am well aware that there are couples who try and try, tracking cycles and monitoring basal body temperatures which is why this is me expressing my genuine gratitude to the universe that I have been so unbelievably lucky throughout this whole process. I am well aware that my baby is a gift and I treasure him as one every single day. The internet needs more positivity and that’s what this is. My story is a positive one.
The day I found out I was pregnant was already a big day. Firstly, it was my late grandfather’s birthday, he would have been 93. Secondly, my niece was born! My sister-in-law was a week over due so we were all waiting anxiously for news and it was such a relief to know that the baby had arrived safe and well. Lovely lovely news. I trotted off happily to my art class and proudly started a little painting with her name, D.O.B, weight, etc.
My art teacher, a very talented muralist called Stacey Brass (check out her work at @DesignsByStacey) said to me “You look different today, is everything ok? Something’s changed about you, you’re glowing.” I proudly replied, “I’m an auntie now, maybe it’s that?” But she wasn’t having it, “No it’s not that, are you pregnant?!” Cue frantic denial and brushing off! “Me?! Of course not! I’m still paying off the wedding!” Mind racing… Am I pregnant? I’m due on today and haven’t come on yet so I suppose I could be! Surely not.
My art class is an hour’s drive away from where I live in the middle of nowhere. Like I said, she’s a talented, inspirational artist, it was worth the two hour round trip every week. That week however, it was the longest drive home ever! Road closures, roadworks, traffic (yes, traffic- at 9pm in rural Wales! WTF?!)
My husband was away with work so all the way home I was debating whether to do a test or wait for him to be home the next day so we could do it together. By the time I got home I had decided to just go for it. I was the one who had to pee on the stick and we didn’t have the kind of relationship where he would be present for that anyway and I was only even doing a test because my art teacher said I ‘look different’, it wasn’t worth getting his hopes up, it was probably nothing…
It wasn’t nothing. It was something. And that magical little something is now led napping on my chest as a write this. Mind blowing.